|This is the Body-For-Life
introduction. For the full story, check the Stories
OK... so Gab and I are
walking through Barnes and Noble one night and ran across a book,
"The Body For Life Success Journal" by Bill Phillips
Inside were all of these photographs of people who had basically gone from
"Flab-A-Lanche" to "Beach Body" in 12 weeks. 12
Weeks! Here's an example:
This guy is one of their "Grand
Champions." His transformation won him $25,000 from Bill
Phillips himself. After eating only twigs and floor sweepings for 86
days, I personally think he used the cash to buy a lifetime supply of corn
dogs and Twinkies. I could be wrong, but probably not.
After gazing at hundreds of pictures of "Arnold
Horshack-turned-Arnold Schwarzenegger" we looked at each other and
said, "You know what? We've been pretty slovenly these past few
months. We need to get in shape. Should we do it?"
Next thing we know, Gab's sister Kerri comes walking
up and says, "Yep, let's do it!"
Our reply? "Well Kerri, the book is $30,
we don't really want to spend that kind of money."
She comes back with, "I'm buying the book for
you and we're all doing it together!"
So, much like my run-in with the "Upper Hand
Cleaner Salesman", we were sucked in.
Our diets have changed drastically, and we wake at
5:30 six days a week to hit the gym. It's no small feat, but we're
well on our way to buff-o-rama status. In order to win one of 50
cash prizes, you are required to provide before and after photos of
yourself. The strategy with the before pictures is to look as
miserable as possible. Take some notes from the winner above.
Apparently, prior to starting this exercise program, he was too friggin'
weak to even shave, and too much of a couch spud to get up and find his
contact lenses. He obviously didn't even have the energy to change
clothes, as evidenced by the fact that he is still wearing the same
bathing suit he had on when he went to summer camp at Camp DooSumLaundry
back in the fifth grade.
Our before pictures have been taken. The after
shots will come once we're done with this whole thing on May 25th.
Note... some images may have been altered to protect the ashamed.
Here I am using the tactics employed by our Grand
Champion above. I have found some irregular swim trunks for $5 that
have the Adidas logo on the wrong side (back instead of front). I
have also neglected shaving and shunned any hair care or hygiene.
The belly pooch is intentional, but well-disguised, dontcha' think?
Also notice the shorts tucked into the keester for added bonus
points. The socks are a nice touch, as is the "what channel is
WRASTLIN' ON?" look on my face.